Langer Loksh

Today I am a Lollipop

Oscar is a little younger than Charlie was for his first haircut. We weren't sure how it would go. But Grandma applied gentle pressure, and Barber Joe said Oscar looked like Hulk Hogan, so we went for it. The lollipop (and Joe's usual magic touch) did the trick.

The certificate (with envelope containing lock of hair stapled to the back) says that Oscar has graduated from babyhood. Mom's not quite ready for that!

Extra points for old Jewish readers who appreciate the cornball post title.

Poo Poo to You Too, Nigel

Charlie's best friend at preschool--here we'll call him Nigel--told Charlie that his ear looked like poo poo. Also, a girl in his class who will be going to the same elementary school as Charlie said the same thing.

Here is where I fall apart, right?

Funny thing. I am not any more upset about this than if Nigel said Charlie's elbow looked like poo poo, or if someone told Summer that her freckles were anything less than the most fabulous spectacular gorgeous adorable feature one could ever ever have (because I'm envious of them myself), or if someone told Oscar that his diaper smelled like poo poo (which, oh look at that, it does).

In other words, this is no different than any other kid-to-kid nastiness, which we all encountered and/or will encountered, except for Jeff who's perfect so don't pay any attention to him.

I find this interesting. The fact that I am not paralyzed with pain and distress. I am appropriately concerned, but no more than that. I talked to the preschool teacher about it and she gave the requisite circle time talk about being nice to each other. And Charlie wants me to give a talk to his class about how his ear is just made that way and it's always been that way and it's OK, which I find kind of shocking but I'm happy to do it. I think. I offered to do it because some people on the Yahoo microtia message board say they have done that for their kids.  Charlie said yes. I asked him again a day later and he said yes again.

And Nigel will not be invited to the birthday party.

He Crawls the Line

Particularly when it comes to dental hygiene.

 

Two Pictures Involving My Van

We turned Oscar's seat around!

and...

the cookies are in.

Dr. J. Explains it All

Oscar is fourteen months old today. In the past few days he has switched over completely from crawling to walking. He is in the 90th percentile for length and the 48th for weight, up from the 25th from when he had the endless tummy bug.

"Dr. J.," I said as casually as I could, "How long do pink eye germs live on, say, a toy?"

"Oh, maybe 20 or 30 minutes," he said. "They are not very hardy."

*Registering shock*

"Really?" I said. "So I guess I can stop staring freakishly into Oscar's eyes every morning to see if he got pink eye from, like, a Lego? Because Charlie's been on the meds for like five days now?"

"Oh yeah, you're fine," says Dr. J.

"Hm," I say, beginning to slip out from behind the carefully constructed shield that I wear when pretending to be an even slightly normal human being in front of Dr. J. "So why do the nurses tell me to wash the sheets and spray Lysol everywhere and wipe every surface of my house with Clorox wipes, like, every night during the outbreak?"

And Dr. J. says: "To make you crazy."

And I say: "It worked!"

The Year Without a Rocking Horse

I order all of my Christmas presents from Amazon.com a month before Christmas and choose free super-saver shipping. I wanted to give Oskie a rocking horse. I did some research and chose a plastic Little Tikes model that cost $25. But it was not eligible for free super-saver shipping; it was going to cost $36 with the shipping. So I did some more research and chose to pay $45 for a cute wooden rocking horse with free shipping from a different web site. Nine more dollars, but wooden, so, you know, like, heirloom quality, right? Oskie's great-grandchildren will get a kick out of riding Great-Grandpa Oskie's funny old toy in the rec room of their condo on Mars.

Also, I have everything shipped to Jim and Mary's house, which is a good thing, because the rocking horse came in a white box that said ROCKING HORSE in big blue letters all over it, and Summer can read. And Summer's belief in Santa is getting the tiniest bit shaky.

One of the wooden pieces of the rocking horse arrived cleaved in two jagged pieces. I called the web site people. They were very friendly. They told me that they would just send me a new one, because it would not be cost effective to send back the old one. So the broken piece was clue number one, and the return policy was clue number two, that I had paid $45 for something that was not worth $8 in FedEx charges.

They credited me immediately and then opened a new order for the new horse. They said it would arrive on Christmas Eve day. I sent an email to Jim and Mary asking them to hide it when it arrived because of all the ROCKING HORSE.

On Christmas Eve we piled into the van with a heaping plate of pigs-in-blankets and went over to Jim and Mary's. The new horse was not there.

Curious, I checked the FedEx tracking. It said the horse had been delivered to my front door. Oh! My front door! Not Jim and Mary's! That's funny. I never use my front door. It must have been sitting out there all day.

At home, while Summer and Charlie set out plates of cookies and carrots for Santa and the reindeer, I kept opening my front door over and over, as if the rocking horse was under the mat and I couldn't see it. Confused, I checked the tracking email again. That's when I noticed... my old address! The address of the house where I have not lived for a year and a half! How did they even GET that address? Especially when it was supposed to go to Jim and Mary's anyway???

There was not much under the tree for Oscar. Fortunately he is one and does not notice these things. And fortunately the big kids were distracted with their own haul and did not ask why Santa had put sweet, innocent baby Oscar on the naughty list.

On Christmas Day we drove past our old house. The week-old snow still covered the driveway. No one was home. I got out and stalked all around the house. No ROCKING HORSE. Peeked inside the windows. It looks good--much neater and cleaner than it ever looked when we lived there. They took up the carpet in the front hall and put a nice little bench in there.

A few days later I was picking up Summer at Mia's and I noticed the lights on in my old house. I knocked on the door. A very nice young man answered. I asked if he'd received a package, and explained the whole thing. He told me they'd been away--it looks like it's just him and his woman, no kids in evidence, though I saw a couple of long-haired cats. A neighbor had been collecting the mail. I left my phone number. Sure enough, later that evening, the woman called--they had the horse. I asked them to leave it on their (my old) (lovely) (oh I miss it so) back porch.

Yesterday I picked it up. A couple of the pieces are nicked. Between this one and the first one, we will cobble together a halfway decent rocking horse for Oscar.

All because of super-saver shipping.

Happy holidays, dear readers!

I Got a Flip for Christmas (Thanks Jeff!)

The Hearing Test Racket

When Oscar was born, the audiologist told me to test his hearing, even though we know why Charlie has hearing loss and Oscar does not have the same kind of ear. I went along with it, because that's how I am--I obey authority figures. It was really annoying. Mary had to ride in the back seat of my van and torture Oscar to keep him awake so he would sleep during the test, and then play endless rounds of hide-the-Batmobile with Charlie in the waiting room while the audiologists performed thought experiments on my sleeping infant. (I blogged about it at the time but now am too lazy to go find the link.) The result: Oscar's hearing was dampened in one ear. Because he had a cold. They told me to repeat the test.

I waited just about as long as I could get away with and finally took him back today. Adorable. Sitting up in my lap with big headphones on. Wiggles music, flashing light, mechanical pig and sheep. So much cuter than sleeping in his car seat with electrodes taped to his impossibly soft newborn head.

He had a cold, and fluid in his ears but... tested normal in both ears across all frequencies!

She still wants me back in a year and a half though.

Today's Cozy Cocoa Moment

Charlie left his hot cocoa unattended on the coffee table. Oscar treated himself--and the coffee table, the kid-sized chair he climbed on, and of course the rug. It was almost worth it to see the ring of chocolate from Oscar's chin to his forehead.

Walking!

Oscar took his first steps today.