Packing Water

At 4:30 in the morning when I've just fed Charlie and I'm stumbling into the kitchen for some water, I hear it: the banshee wail of my wretched cat. It does not matter that Jeff passed out on the couch and has been within feet of her for five hours. When she sees me come downstairs, she screeches for food, screeches as if she has not been fed in fourteen days, even though there is food IN HER BOWL.

I carry a spray bottle filled with water holstered in the belt loop of my jeans so I can spray her in the face when she screeches. The water is a deterrent to me, not to her. It does nothing to quell her screeching, but it is the only thing stopping me from crushing her skull with a ball-peen hammer. The trigger action of the spray bottle helps me release just enough of my death fury so I don't actually hurt her. Too bad I don't have belt loops on my pajamas. You can tell I'm conflicted about it because I Sharpied "Water Only" on the bottle, as if I was afraid Jeff would fill it with bleach and leave it lying around and I'd accidentally blind the cat.

I've been trying to have Summer feed the cat so maybe the cat will stalk Summer instead, but I don't think it'll work. This cat likes to push my buttons. My favorite is when Summer's whining, Charlie's fussing, and then the cat starts in. Everyone needs to eat RIGHT NOW and I'm the only one who can feed them.

Hey, maybe the spray bottle would work on the kids.

Comments

[Holly Hanford]

Hi Jill,

I enjoyed your recent photos and had to check out your site. I was so amused by your "Packing Water" entry because it is also the story of MY life, but with a bird instead of a cat. Most mornings I stumble downstairs with my two little kids, both whining for food. I give Kendal her bottle while Shelden screams for "O's" (Cheerios) - the only thing she's eaten for the past 5 months. Kendal decides she now wants O's too, and starts whining. The bird hears the cellophane, and starts screeching non-stop. Then the dog wants in! The bird's screeches raise my unusually low blood pressure every day, and he gets frequent squirts of water to shut him up so I can think what kid needs what food. Who ever thought little oat circles would cause so much trouble?!